Before I Sleep

Tomorrow is the big day. The SAT.

I think for most high school students the very name of this test can cause a sense of dread and fear. Most study for months and have terrible night mares about their impending doom. I guess you could even say that for some high school students it is the worst three hours of their life.

I took a far less dramatic (and probably less effective) approach to the whole situation. First of all, I procrastinated in actually taking the test. This was not entirely intentional. I planned on taking the last test of the school year, but when I went online to register, my mother and I realized that I could not take the SAT that day. It was the day of my brother's graduation and my grandparents were coming into town. To say the least, that plan epically failed.

Unfortunately my next chance to take this frequently dreaded test is tomorrow. So, I am waking up at 6:00 to take a test on a Saturday. It will be heaps of fun!

Anyways, back to how I prepared for the SAT. Instead of taking classes, hiring and expensive tutor, or tutoring myself, I decided to be a good student. I mean, if I've paid attention in my classes and tried my best then I should do well. So, what I'm trying to say is that I didn't study at all. When I say that I feel like there are thousands of piercing glares piercing through me. But really, why should anyone besides me care? It's my grade and the only way it could possibly effect you is if we are competing to go to the same college, in which case you should probably be happy, because this should give you the upper hand.

So the night before this test, I have prepared very little in the sense of any studying. I bought a tripod for my video camera, watched an episode of Sailor Moon and an episode of Bones, then went to see Pride and Prejudice at my school where I got to see some friends. Just before writing this blog I did look up some helpful tips on the writing portion.

I feel I've prepared well. I'm calm, well rested and honestly don't feel as if my life depends on making a good score on this test. The only thing I dread is waking up so early and taking a test on a Saturday!!!! It's so WRONG!

This is What I Mean by Failure

Uh, so remember how I'm trying to do this thing where I post a blog every day this month.....???

Well, I'm failing at it.

I did post a blog yesterday but I forgot to add some important things. I've completely missed two days though.

Anyways, I just wanted to post this Halloween Party Update!!!

Halloween Party Update:
We officially have full cast of people. Kind of...I think we have an issue with the ghost. But everyone else is cast and ready to film at my house on Sunday. I'm going to get a tripod tonight for my camera so filming will be easier. On Saturday, I'm taking a quick trip to Thrift World to get a couple shirts for the guys and a crazy outfit or two for the girls. I also need some really cheap ghost costumes for a bunch of children. I think white trash bags would work, with holes to breathe, but I'm sort of against encouraging children to put plastic bags over their heads. Another thought was pillow cases, but I don't know where to get them cheap. Besides that we're pretty much prepared. I just need to get the house clean and a few other things. I still haven't decided what I'm actually going to be for Halloween, but I have time, right?

Here's another very important update!!!!

My Search for Colleges:
I actually found a college that I'm interested in!!!! This is a major accomplishment and I can't wait to check it out. It led me to a bunch of other colleges I might be interested in too, but I haven't had a chance to check them out yet.

Besides all of this I have a paper due in English tomorrow. My progress on that assignment? Well, I haven't even started. All is well though. I can write quickly right?

It Reeks of Spoilage

When I saw the shiny black Jaguar parked next to me in the parking lot, I immediately looked down at the key in my hand. It would be so easy to slide the key against it's new black paint. It would be so simple. I wouldn't even miss a step. I wish I could, but I don't. I imagine the spoiled barely sixteen year old sitting in class, bored out of their mind and texting on their iPhone.

Not worth it.

I'm above that right? I mean, I'm not above causing that kid huge amounts of embarrassment and jealousy and hatred towards me, but I'm above such simple and immature acts of rage. No, I think things out. I'm creative. I don't just go around calling all the vapid whores "vapid whore". That would be too easy. If I'm going to get revenge, it's got to be good.

The shiny Jaguar stays in tact. As does the pretty sky blue Mustang convertible and the cute Mercedes. Plus it's not like a have a problem with everyone with a nice car. Most of them are just a little bit spoiled and today, the spoilage reeks worse than ever.

Most of the time I wouldn't be too mad if you called me jealous. Of course I'm jealous. I want a shiny new car, I want a mom and dad who will give me money to see all the movies I want because I have all the time in the world because I don't have a job. I want all the pretty clothes and shoes I could imagine. I would love to get a $70 haircut every month at a place where they know your name and your favorite thing to order at Starbucks. I think everyone wants that at least a little bit.

Today though, you cannot call me jealous. One look at them and I know that I never want to be a thing like them. Their luxuries are nice, but if I have to become one of them to have those luxuries then I'll just stick to what I have.

The high school cafeteria. A friend and I had just calculated approximately how many hours we'd spent in that very cafeteria (Over 200, if you're curious), when our other friend suggested we leave and walk around for a bit. We got up and as I was throwing out my trash I heard it.

"Did you just hear that?!" I asked both of my friends completely appalled. Of course they'd heard it. We all had. That was the point.

"Thank you for leaving." It sounds almost kind if you aren't really paying attention, but when it slips from the slimy mouth of the sinister freshmen who sit next to our table at lunch, it says all the things you never want to hear. It sounds just as evil as it's meant to sound.

"I think we should go back over there, call them (insert bad name here) and beat them up." One of my friends suggests. After all we are seniors and we should put them in their place.

But no, we're above that. And they are above us. That much is obvious. Finding a way to bring them down to our level is a more difficult thing to figure out.

Here's the truth that you never wanted to hear. The jocks and the cheerleaders sometimes are the successful CEO or movie stars or whatever. Being a good, kind-hearted person is not always enough. The Homecoming Queen will forever and always be just so and you will forever and always be the kid who never stood up for them self, if you don't stand up for yourself.

Still, I think a little more thought should be put into the take down of the higher ranking spoilage. You can't just act out on rage or try to think of some clever come back. It doesn't work. Yeah, life isn't like the movies. No, instead you have to think of a way to bring those brats down, without getting suspended and without furthering any chance of embarrassment.

In this case, it should be rather easy, since none of us particularly care what the spoilage has to say. It's not even insulting, it's more just enraging that some snotty little freshmen think they can rule the school. In this case, we just have to show them that we in fact are the queens and they are just the insignificant little drones that will have to survive four more years of torture.

So, if I feel like keying an expensive car that belongs to a spoiled sixteen year old, you can't really blame me.

My Head and the Clouds

I kind of forgot to write a blog yesterday, continuing my habit of forgetting things I'm supposed to do like making a video last week and then making a video every day this week for forgetting to do so last week.

I could think of an excuse, but let's be honest. It's not just me being lazy or too busy. It's not because I didn't want to. Truly, I just forgot. Forgetting will be my best talent pretty soon if I keep up this pattern. And why am I so forgetful?

Well remembering all the things you have to do is kind of hard when you've got your head in the clouds. Really, I've been daydreaming. Maybe it's a side effect of not sleeping enough, or maybe I'm just bored of my life and all it's troubles. In any case, if I get a chance to stare off into space for more than a second I'm pretty much unreachable by the rest of the world.

This does not please people. My manager, my teachers, my friends. They've all encountered me with distant look on my face. They try to get my attention but it's no use, I've blocked them out. Well, then they yell really loud and I come back to reality, which is never very pleasant.

Wouldn't it be nice to daydream all day? Or better yet, if life were so fabulous you never wanted to miss a minute of it, even to daydream?

Well, I better go catch up on all those other things I've been forgetting to do lately.

Quick Halloween Update:
Not a lot has happened. We're filming over the weekend and it will be a lot of fun. I keep going back and forth on my costume though. Go- Go Girl or Hannah Montana? It's a tough choice.

Superheroes

So after watching five episodes of one of my favorite shows from childhood, Sailor Moon, I was prepared to watch about 15 more. After all, I have nothing better to do tonight, except for sleeping. Still it's early and a Sailor Moon mega marathon sounded like fun.

Until I realized I'm trying to do this thing where I blog every day this month. The Sailor Moon marathon has been put on hold.

That doesn't mean that everything Sailor Moon related has to be put on hold though. Seriously, when I was little, I was obsessed. I had pajamas with Sailor Moon on them and I knew all the words to the theme song. I think I wanted to be Sailor Moon. She was my superhero. After watching these episodes today though I kind of feel like she lacks superpowers.

I mean really. Every time she's fighting an evil person from Negaverse, Tuxedo Mask has to come and save her. There was one time where Tuxedo Mask didn't show up, but Sailor Mercury was discovered and saved the day. I'm not saying that there aren't times when even a superhero needs help, but a superhero who spends more time being saved than saving, seriously needs to reconsider their job title.

I've moved on to more super superheroes now. But a superhero doesn't need spandex, to be a hero. Sometimes all they need is the fashion sense of Buffy and a wooden stake. Yeah, Buffy the Vampire Slayer is my new superhero. In a world where girls swoon over a moody and idiotic vampire and root for the girl who sits around a mopes like a cry baby, it's nice to see a girl who can love a vampire and also save the day. Plus Angel isn't as creepy or overprotective as Edward is. Buffy can fight and save the world. In fact she's done it multiple times. Sure she has her moments where you wish she'd just stop whining and get over it, but most of the time she is just plain awesome. Who needs spandex when you could be Buffy?

But Sailor Moon is kind of amazing still. I love that stupid theme song and all the crazy anime stuff. It's great and fun and makes my brain kind of melt in a really good way that every one's brain should every once and a while. Plus who says I can't have my old superhero and my new superhero too? The more the merrier!

I almost forgot!!!
Halloween Party Update:
We've finished the script!!!! Kinda.... We decided that it would be best if the movie were sort of improvised. So we wrote an outline and what we need to happen in each of the scenes. It's actually sort of hilarious already. Once everyone comes together and adds their characters craziness to it, it will be great. We're filming the whole thing this weekend which is also when I take the SAT, but we have a long weekend so we'll have plenty of time to work on it. I'm really excited. We had some great ideas today and when it's all finished I think everyone will enjoy it.

Think For Yourself

Last night, my friends and I watched a movie called Jesus Camp. It's been a pretty popular movie to talk about, but none of us had watched it. Since we talk about religion and things like that a lot we thought it might be a good idea to finally see it.

After the movie ended we all three sat on the couch at my friends house silently. We were speechless. Where to begin?

None of the beliefs of the people in the film were that appalling to me. Honestly every religion or belief system in the universe has some sort of ridiculous sounding characteristics. Every religion just thinks that their insane sounding beliefs are true and everyone else's is just wrong. Everyone thinks their religion is right. I think that in a way everyone is right. The only wrong is thinking you're the only one who's right.

Anyways, my problem is not with the religion at all. My only problem is with the idea that people control children. to a point where they can't make their own choices. People control children and mold them to be little clones of themselves. That is not an adult's role in a child's life at all.

A good role model would be an adult who shows a child every side of an issue or equation. They would show a child that there are many different views and then give the child the facts and let the child make their decision from there. A good role model would never tell a child that there is only one right choice.

Parents, teachers, and role models should keep children safe, but they do not need to shelter them too much. Some children know very little, like they've been kept in a bomb shelter. Others are intelligent and educated, like they've been kept in a shark cage. A shark cage is the amount of sheltering that a kid needs. It keeps them away from danger but they can still see and experience it. Kids need to know about dangers and bad things and good things. They need to learn, not be kept locked up in a tower until they've been fed whatever information their parents want them to be fed.

Kids can make choices. They aren't always good choices and they do need guidance when making choices, but they can make choices. Everyone can make choices.

If you watch only one news source, you will be limited by the fact that you are only hearing one biased side of the story. News is supposed to be unbiased, but as it's run by people, it tends to be slightly biased. In order to form your own opinion on things you need to look at many different sources and determine what part of the things you hear are truth. Then you come up with an opinion based on those facts. Parents are going to have biased opinions that they share with their children, but they should encourage their children to hear other's opinions too.

No one should ever be limited to the opinion of another person. People should interact with people who completely disagree with their beliefs. And a person's beliefs can not be justified by them saying that they believe it because that's "how they were raised." People need to think for themselves.

Halloween Party Update:
Before watching Jesus Camp, my friends and I managed to have a very productive brainstorming session for our script. In short it is going to be hilarious....hopefully. There will be guys ripping off their own shirts, lurking ghosts made by a person wearing a sheet, and random mysterious voodoo dolls. Today I also found out how to play Quidditch. I'm thinking it sounds like a lot of fun and it might be good for the party but I don't know yet.

A Nerd's Life For Me!

I was stuck between the decision to look at my art work hung on the wall as if I were paying attention or look away like I couldn't care less. Nobody knew that it was my drawing and I wanted it to stay that way. To be honest I was kind of proud of the drawing. It was of a hammer and nails on black paper drawn with a white pencil. The hammer and nail were surrounded with a background of color. It was cool and interesting, similar to every one's drawings because we'd all had the same assignment, and to be honest showed more skill than some of my classmates. I didn't really have a problem with the drawing at all minus one section that has a close up view of the tip of the hammer. I was afraid that some immature guy would think it looked inappropriate. Still even that section was well done.

No the problem I was currently facing was the fact that our teacher had decided to read the comments we wrote about our own drawings out loud. She still didn't reveal our names, but I feared what I said. I couldn't even remember what I wrote. It was rushed and I hadn't put much thought into it. I'm aware that on occasion crazy phrases of insanity escape my mind and make it into the real world causing me humiliation that I will never live down. That is what I feared.

I went for the semi-attention approached. I glanced indifferently at my art work, but simultaneously fiddled with my pen as if I were bored out of my mind. Apparently this approach was best because no one paid any attention to me. Then my teacher read my comments out loud and to my astonishment, I was not humiliated.

In fact, my comments were so utterly normal that they were perhaps the least memorable in the class. To make things even better, my teacher seemed to think they were pretty smart comments. I smiled in my head as she moved on to the next person's comments and I kept my "I don't really care" attitude.

Thus is the life of a nerd. Sure sometimes I crave the spotlight. But reading my stupid poem in front of my English class is not something I desire to do. Ever. Unless it's really good, but even then I don't really want to. Once I got a 98 on an English paper and my teacher wanted me to read it aloud because she thought it was so well written. I on the other hand wanted to shred it to bits and crawl into a corner where no one would notice me. It's not that I'm ashamed of being smart or talented. It's just no one wants to be the boring person who takes to long to read their boring paper. No one wants to have the murderous eyes of the classmates boring into their heads trying to communicate, "Stop talking now so we can go to lunch or you die!!!!"

And no one wants to sound crazy... most of the time.

Halloween Party Update:
Today, a couple friends and I are going to start working on the script of a Ghost Hunter's style comedy video. It's not really a spoof of the show, though it does parody some stereotypical people. I can't really share any more details because I don't know that many. I do know that the character that I will be playing in the video flirts with some wimpy guy that will be played by one of my friends. My friend's boyfriend's character flirts with me in the video. Most awkward love triangle ever!!! Of course the main purpose of this video is to entertain people at the Halloween party, but our second intention is to create very awkward situations between the people involved in the video. I think we're doing a good job so far and we haven't even started.