Sometimes...

Sometimes I wish we lived in a world where you feared that zombies might be lurking around the corner.

Sometimes I wish that teenage girls really did find out that they were destined to be a princess.

Sometimes I wish that a superhero had to come to the rescue of some potential victim on a daily basis.

But then I think. All those zombies would probably smell pretty bad and I don't know about you, but I don't like my brains being eaten. I mean I know that school is slowly frying my brain in a boiling pit of stupid, but I'll still have a brain once high school is over. With zombies roaming the planet, I would be dead.

And then if all these teenage girls found out they were princesses of a foreign country or a distant universe then it would kind of take the fun out of being a princess. The reason girls want to be a princess in the first place is because it makes them unique and "better" in some ways. If lots of girls were princesses then nobody would want to be one anymore. The trend would so be over.

And superheroes rescuing people would be super cool, but our town already has a lack of crime and a surplus of wannabe heroes. Any superheroes around here would probably be bored out of their minds. So bored in fact that they would have to turn to a life of crime and evil. No good can come out of a superhero in the suburbs.

So, I think you can guess that sometimes I make wishes that aren't so great. Never any of those stupid "Be Careful What You Wish For"- story wishes, like "I wish you'd never been born!", but more like, "I wish that pigs could fly."

In order to prepare for the next time that I'm able to make a legitimate wish I will now compose a list of non-stupid wishes.

• I wish that my room was always clean and good-smelling.
• I wish my hair always looked beautiful
• I wish that I had a photographic memory
• I wish I were super athletic without having to work out
• I wish I had 30 pairs of Converse, and a huge closet of nice clothes
• I wish I never have to think about money

See the way I think about it, selfish wishes are the way to go. I mean sure, the "I wish all the abandoned kittens in the world had homes" wish sounds really nice, but how would that work out? Would I then wind up with a billion homeless kittens at my door. Then again you can't be too selfish. Like wishing to be a super rich billionaire and then not even considering donating some of that money to charity is kind of a really rude thing to do.

So be a little bit selfish. After all it's your wish! If someone just comes up to you and hands you free ice cream and they obviously aren't a creeper that's trying to drug you then you eat the ice cream. You don't walk around for hours trying to find someone more deserving of that ice cream than you. The ice cream will get all melty and gross and no one will want it then anyways!

So keep your wish and eat it too! And make sure to wish for something that isn't stupid, like zombies, even though they are kind of cool in movies and stuff....