Homecoming!?

Bells clank and feet stomp like a herd of feral cows is storming through the school hallway. The swishing of ribbons, the cackling of preteen girls, the voice in my head screaming "RIDICULOUS!" are all so overpowering and the day has just begun.

To be honest the rest of the week wasn't much better. The amateur attempts to impersonate various celebrities and icons from the 80s was slightly enraging to someone who spends hours trying to make sure that the costumes we make for the school musical annually are historically accurate. Of course I have never researched the 80s fashion in depth but I'm sure the brand new clothes that my fellow classmates bought from their favorite stores are not accurate. I'm sure that none of them did any more research than looking up Cyndi Lauper on Google. Still I'm not one to judge I guess because I didn't even attempt to dress up for any of our Homecoming spirit days.

Okay so maybe I'm just not one for school spirit. I mean sure I go to the football games and cheer like a maniac when we get a touchdown, but dressing up like idiots just doesn't make sense to me. Still any person with half a brain could see that today is the stupidest day of all school spirit history.

The ribbons adorned on the shirts of the girls at my school look like they are about to swallow the girls whole. Girls clumsily trip over their cow bells and feather boas as they attempt and fail to get up the stairs. The smaller masses of ribbons and festive-ness are safety pinned to shirts or jackets and weigh so much that I fear it may rip their clothing. The larger ones are worn around the neck with a giant ribbon or boa. They are called mums and they are even more ridiculous than they sound.

To make a mum you start with a large fake white flower. When mums were originally made people used real flowers but they wilted quickly so now people use fake flowers. The flower is hot glued to some cardboard backing. Then a small white teddy bear (or in some cases the school's mascot) are hot glued to the flower. Then at the bottom of the flower tons of ribbons, boas, cowbells, and ornaments are arranged in a sort of organized chaos. Sometimes flashing lights and battery packs are added to create fun effects. They take hours to make and they don't come cheap.

Typically the small, generic mums that you can pick up at any grocery store or florist are about $80- $100. There aren't many of those because who would want something generic when you can have a custom made mum? Those can be around $300. It begs the question: Can they think of nothing else to spend their money on? Because really if they're at that much of a loss I have some ideas- like a weekend vacation maybe. Even the thrifty mum wearers who decide to make their own can't avoid the cost. You're still looking at around $60, if you're lucky.

Girls aren't the only ones who get to suffer this insanity. The boys get to wear some stupid looking sparkly ribbons and teddy bears too. At least they're smaller and worn around the arm. They call them garters but they're really just mini mums. Some wonder why any guy would agree to wear something so stupid looking and the answer is because they want their ridiculous girlfriends to be happy. Garters are typically around $50- $100.

Couples are expected to wear matching mums and garters. Boyfriends buy their girlfriends mums and vice versa. I don't really understand why a girl would want a stupid mass a ribbons. Why not ask for some really ridiculously expensive necklace or something. At least they can wear it again then. Or if they really felt selfless they could just donate the money to hungry children.

I don't expect that much of them honestly. Honestly if I had $300 to waste I probably would be selfish too, but my wasting of money would be much less wasteful I guess. Like maybe it would go towards a new computer or just to money I can spend to go see movies. Or better yet my freaking TRIP TO EUROPE!!!

At least the clanking will be over with by tomorrow. Then it will be the day of the dance where people spend way too much money on hummer limos to take them out to eat at overly priced restaurants that they don't even like that much. It's okay though. I'll get over my classmates' frivolous use of money. They can do whatever makes them happy.

As for me, I'm going to the game and I'll cheer like a maniac when we get a touchdown and cry when we lose or cry when we win. Because that is what homecoming is all about.